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But really, think for a minute: Or are there any other hazards you've learned how to avoid? You're in! We talk about your dick, we talk about what kind of dick our friends have been getting, and we talk about every other dick we've ever seen in our life, anywhere. You could show a picture of that bastard to us in a cryptozoology book between "photos" of Nessie and Bigfoot, and we'd think it was the worst designed of the three. We describe an animal and you picture it in your head, then we show you what it looks like and you shriek in horror, OK? Michael Paul Smith is not a city-size monsterhe's just an extreme modeling enthusiast.

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But unless Reuters got really, really bored one dayit's a genuine pic from Somalia. Stop telling me how big my dick is. It seems a little lazy that they didn't also make him a tiny little hat to wear, but whatever. Are you crazy? The bacteria are full of the red-orange pigment beta-carotene, the same stuff that gives carrots their color. Some caterpillars even go the extra mile by extending appendages from the top of their head to mimic a forked snake tonguemaking it look like a snake that's about to strike But then you notice that the kid who is right next to the portal to another dimension isn't disintegrating into millions of pieces, or even looking up from his goddamn cellphone.

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